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MI Original Unstoppable-Man Discussion
#1
Fore-Warning: Unstoppable-Man might have a brand new name as "No More Heroes." Anyways, this is my spin on the superhero genre.

Review/Critique Template
  • Chapter Title(s)
  • Positive/Negatives
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This is just the basic template. Feel free to add anything that you feel is appropriate in your review. If I have the chance, I will respond to any concerns, questions and vice versa you may have. Have fun!
[Image: 1eX7gWK.png]

"What dimension is this?"
"All of them."
"That's great, then we can live everywhere!"
"Everywhere you will die."
"Haha- what?"
"You, your family, everyone will die. Over and over. Mountains of broken bodies beneath the wheel."

Content: My Art | No More Heroes | Good Days | Kaiju Man | BoogaVerse
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#2
I'll go ahead and start things off with a simple comment about how I honestly feel about this story: slightly disappointed.

Not because of the content or your method of story telling. In fact, it was probably one of the most interesting short stories I have ever read and introduced a very specific mindset that immersed you into the character. The most vivid and wonderful aspect of this story is in the fact that as the narrator of the story, you were able to immerse yourself in that overall ego driven mentality of the main character. The overall trite and very blunt explanations of condemnable acts like spouse abuse were perfect in conveying that sense of how far gone this hero character truly has devolved.

I do have to say that I found this story concept to be very similar to the Incredibles, where the overall negatives of heroism are starting to play a factor. This isn't a criticism, it's actually more of a compliment because your method I explained above in creating this persona for Unstoppable Man was better than the entire movie imo, even if it was designed for children to enjoy and isn't a deeply complex story. However, the problem is that I believe you intend to turn this whole story into the beginning of NMH, a wise move. But at the same time, creates a problem in setup, if this is the current end result.

So simply put, the only reason I'm disappointed is because I'm not exactly sure if this is the end of the short story. I feel as if this character is turning into a villain, but at the same time, I don't really know if there's more content coming or if this is the actual end to the short story. If it's the latter, then I would say that while this is a good short story, it needs to show the actual damnation of the persona here if you intend for this to serve as a good setup for your villain.

As well as the fact that I'd just like to see more from you as an author Smile

Overall Rating: 9/10
"What do you call a Vegeta and a Goku? Vegetto sounds alright." 
[Image: SACYXY9.jpg]
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#3
(08-09-2017, 12:51 PM)Vegetto Wrote: I'll go ahead and start things off with a simple comment about how I honestly feel about this story: slightly disappointed.

Not because of the content or your method of story telling. In fact, it was probably one of the most interesting short stories I have ever read and introduced a very specific mindset that immersed you into the character. The most vivid and wonderful aspect of this story is in the fact that as the narrator of the story, you were able to immerse yourself in that overall ego driven mentality of the main character. The overall trite and very blunt explanations of condemnable acts like spouse abuse were perfect in conveying that sense of how far gone this hero character truly has devolved.

I do have to say that I found this story concept to be very similar to the Incredibles, where the overall negatives of heroism are starting to play a factor. This isn't a criticism, it's actually more of a compliment because your method I explained above in creating this persona for Unstoppable Man was better than the entire movie imo, even if it was designed for children to enjoy and isn't a deeply complex story. However, the problem is that I believe you intend to turn this whole story into the beginning of NMH, a wise move. But at the same time, creates a problem in setup, if this is the current end result.

So simply put, the only reason I'm disappointed is because I'm not exactly sure if this is the end of the short story. I feel as if this character is turning into a villain, but at the same time, I don't really know if there's more content coming or if this is the actual end to the short story. If it's the latter, then I would say that while this is a good short story, it needs to show the actual damnation of the persona here if you intend for this to serve as a good setup for your villain.

As well as the fact that I'd just like to see more from you as an author Smile

Overall Rating: 9/10

It is extremely late for responding, but thanks for giving a rather insightful and honest review. My approach on the project was seemingly humanize the concept of Super Heroism—what would be the result of such? Several works of literary works that centers on Super Heroes often place an emphasis on reality, but often lingers back to the usual tropes of what made the genre. I felt that it is not grounded enough (not saying there is not works that has not done this, there definitely plenty of those that I am simply not aware of or have not read to the fullest). 

It is unquestionably a tough task with the intention of maintaining the ego of an abuser: how does their mind processed when they dished out pain to their beloved? I had received questions on making Unstoppable-Man have a more character arc to show that he is not always like that.
Perhaps that is a good way to expand his character further but at the same time, when it comes to writing abuse, I want to avoid creating an sympathy scenario out of him: abuse, regardless of the reason, should never be tolerated and the gravitation of the scene I convey showcase that, which I’m glad you picked up on.

That is definitely a bold claim for this short story better than the entirely of the Incredibles, perhaps, I am biased since I am a huge fan of the film, but thanks for the compliment! Do not know if I deserved that though, haha.

Unstoppable-Man is definitely have more story than it looks, since this piece was written with the mind for an assignment—there is an actual ending for his character arc, where he slips and falls into further destruction because of his actions. I was planning on posting more of his story later on in the next two weeks. Wink

One thing I want to address for future readers, the wife cannot called the police on him. Who is going to believe that a well-known, respected man of the people that consistently saved lives, over a unruly woman with “intentions” to damage his fame?  Even if the people were to believe in her, what can the police possibly do in this situation? This is the thought I had when making a Super Hero abuser… and I hope the nightmarish reality sets within the readers.
[Image: 1eX7gWK.png]

"What dimension is this?"
"All of them."
"That's great, then we can live everywhere!"
"Everywhere you will die."
"Haha- what?"
"You, your family, everyone will die. Over and over. Mountains of broken bodies beneath the wheel."

Content: My Art | No More Heroes | Good Days | Kaiju Man | BoogaVerse
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#4
(08-20-2018, 07:09 PM)ShineCero Wrote: That is definitely a bold claim for this short story better than the entirely of the Incredibles, perhaps, I am biased since I am a huge fan of the film, but thanks for the compliment! Do not know if I deserved that though, haha.

Oh, forgive me, I should clarify: I'm referring to how your piece made me think of how the Incredibles conveyed the transition from heroes being positive, to causing more harm than good. Specifically in how Mr. Incredible treated Buddy and the glory days more with arrogance, and was more caught up in living the good life than realizing the damage he was causing.

I was simply complimenting that you handled the "negative implications of heroes" aspect better, as that movie did not expand on that concept too much because it frankly didn't need to. As a whole, Incredibles is obviously superior in terms of quality story and emotional depth for other reasons. Tongue
"What do you call a Vegeta and a Goku? Vegetto sounds alright." 
[Image: SACYXY9.jpg]
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