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Behind The Thorns: Review/Discussion
#1
I decided to post my story here and see what you guys think about it. Feel free to ask questions and speak your mind about my story. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Please ignore any misspelled words/grammar mistakes, I will usually fix them if I gloss over them but if you wanna add it to your critique, go for it. I will update in the link provided so place your critiques here.


Here's a quick template to help guide you (and me) as to what you like/hate about the story. If you have more to add, feel free to do so!

  • Chapter Title(s)

  • Positive/Negatives

  • General Comments

  • Grading/Rating
Behind the Thorns Summary: 

A young and brilliant man living harshly in the streets and getting by each day by conning people. His mouth is as foul as his tricks and he holds no bars when it comes to his manner of thinking. Having a cold and rough exterior he longs for a form of peace where he doesn't have to be such a jerk. He met Evelyn Nicestone, daughter of the multimillionaire man, Mr. Nicestone, when he was trying to con her and he was severely beaten as a result. With the false accusations Mr. Nicestone placed on Kire's head, he's living in a luxury home with jerks bigger than him. Not all seems well with the family when a mysterious man, Edwin Walters, keeps the outspoken Evelyn under his thumb. From bad to worse, Kire endures the hardships the family put on him but he seems to call this situation a step up from his current. With Kire's reputation and sanity on the line, how will he cope with being the Nicestone family dog?
[Image: P3auUVy.png]

"In the criminal justice system, sexually-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."

DUN DUN!
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#2
Solid story. Make sure you don't repeat yourself so often in your paragraphs. Aside from that, I recommended people taking a look at this story. As you made a successful OnePunch-Man fanfic by staying true to the source material and kept their characterization, it's a no-brainer that an original story would fare much better in the writing department without limitations.

Also, you should put all your chapters in a spoiler, so it's easier to scroll down.
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